In September, Canadian Prime Minister Stephen Harper said Canada would NOT fall into recession, but on October 6th, the TSE fell more than 1000 points and the Bank of Nova Scotia predicted “something worse than a recession” in 2009. Polls now show Harper’s judgement on the economy in doubt and Stephane Dion’s Liberal Party building real momentum.
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Whoopee, only days to go and the Conservatives finally have a platform. I never thought they’d get around to having a reason for existing.
Top 10 Stephen Harper election promises.
10. Free “lawn mounties” with every purchase of a snow shovel.
9. Steve promises not to take any more political advice from George Bush or Mayor McCheese.
8. Free beer for every Canadian who says “eh” after every sentence, eh?
7. Steve promises to work the words, “Kiss me, I’m Canadian” into our national anthems’ lyrics.
6. Sell Quebec to the Japanese for billions by telling them its Euro-Disney. (Ooops, sorry. That’s one of Steve’s Top 10 ways to sell out Canada).
Number 5. Steve promises not to start his next re-election bid at least until the end of the month and, he also promises to give up his Bob Barker haircut.
4. Nothing for the kids… er… make that free beaver rides for the kids!
3. Longer hockey games. Introduce an extra 4th period of hockey.
2. Steve promises never to call an election he promised he wouldn’t call and then introduce his platform at the last minute after the opposition leaders reminded during the debate that he should have one if he wants to be like a real Prime Minister. Naw, forget that. That’s just incredibly stupid.
…and finally, the number one Stephen Harper Conservative Party platform plank…
1. Steve will create a new cabinet post, Minister of Tim Horton’s
Steven Harper, doing for Canada what George Bush did for America.